Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Houston, we have a squirter
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
