is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
