Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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