I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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