Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
