Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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