I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
