You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
