:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
