bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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