I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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