Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
