I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
