Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
