i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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