So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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