I am in a vortex of obligation.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
