I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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