so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
