Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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