peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize