Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
