Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
