That's when you crack a 10am beer
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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