Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
