I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
