You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
