I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
