Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
