we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
