You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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