I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
