This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
