The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
