could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
