Porn is love you can see.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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