Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
