I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
