scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My dick has a subreddit
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
