I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
