My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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