would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
