If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
