Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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