hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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