bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
