I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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