just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
