she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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