now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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