Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
