spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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