I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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