You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
