Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My penis needs a shock collar
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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