Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
