Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
