I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
