I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
