he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I wear drunk well.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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