The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
There r osticjed everywhere
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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