He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
