So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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