these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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