he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she peed on how many people?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
