we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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