non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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