I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You may now shotgun with the bride
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
