a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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