I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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