If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
