it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
