i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
