I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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