he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
