Moan for me like Helen Keller
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
