dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
