doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
