My first STD was from a foam party
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
