i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
