Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
