you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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