You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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