He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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