I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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