I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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