if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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