the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
