At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
