Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
dude i'm inner monologue high
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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