trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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