plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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