It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
